Why I Disappeared and Getting Back to Blogging #blogging #books #MentalHealth

It feels like it has been ages since the last time I posted anything here on Book Dust Magic. It was never my intention to disappear. I guess life had other plans for me, and as much as I wanted to keep up with the same lifestyle I had before 2020, I couldn’t.

As I feel like I am ready to at least try to get back to blogging, before I do, I feel like I need to explain why I disappeared over night from the blogosphere.

Some of you may know that in 2020 I became a mother for the first time. I was really looking forward to a new chapter of my life. I had so much plans, including telling you about my experience as a first time mother here on my blog too.
However, each day after giving a birth was harder and harder, I fell into postpartum depression when I felt like I had no right to be in that state of mind, because I had no one except my fiance to help me with the baby. I felt like I had no luxury to have some rest, to be sad, or to just be myself, when all I had to do was taking care of my son. I really wished for my mother to help me, or to have a friend who would just look after him for couple of hours, just so I could sleep or rest, but wishes don’t always get granted.

I missed reading so much, but I didn’t have time or energy to do it, and I honestly felt like the old me was slipping away, until her final disappearance.

I was already in a bad shape, and then to make more room for the baby I had to give up on so many (un)read books. I sent them to my parents with plan to get them back when we move to a bigger apartment that we plan to purchase in next 10 years (we want to buy an apartment without mortgage), and then my father placed them in my late granny’s house and guess what? Dump ruined them.

And then I had to say goodbye to my cat GiGi (my father took him) because of his aggressive side, so our baby wouldn’t be in danger while he was newborn, and to be honest, saying goodbye to GiGi was a nail to a coffin of a person I used to be.
From then on, I felt like I was trapped in someone else’s body, living someone else’s life and not being able to live a life that was mine.

And then the earthquake happened (and another one), and cut the strings I still held onto with tips of my fingers.
I still have ptsd and I don’t think it will ever go away.

Anyway, I wanted to let you know why I wasn’t around, I practically stopped being part of this community not only because I simply didn’t have time, but because it was hard for me to look at everyone reading more books then ever. If I’m being honest, I was envy, and it was healthier for me to stay away from twitter and blogs.

Now when my son is 13 months old, I feel better and more rested as he started to sleep during night, and I started reading again.
It is still not as much as I would like to, and I will probably have to make piece with the fact that maybe I won’t read as many books as I’d like to for next few years.

My English suffered too, I find it hard to express myself as good as I used to, but I am working on it.

So… I decided to try to get back to blogging. One post at time. I won’t have a schedule because I can’t obligate myself to one.
I will cross post some reviews I have already written on Goodreads, and write new ones as I read, with hope that with time I will be able to write discussions and touch other subjects too.
And I hope someone will read them.

Winter photo created by jcomp – www.freepik.com